Tongan guy: 'My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come 

around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Samoan guy: 'I know...'

Tongan guy: 'How?'

Samoan guy: 'My dog told me.'

Action Heroes

Three friends were invited to a fancy dress party a european,italian and a samoan.They all agreed to go as 

action heroes, So the night of the party the european boy turns up first in his black shades and leather jacket 

at the door the host says'who are you meant to be?'the boy says 'Im the terminator'.

Next the italian boy turns up in a long wig,no shirt and army pants,the host asks the same question in reply 

the boy says'Im john rambo'.

Then finally the samoan boy turns up wearing casual clothes but holding a loaf of bread.

The host scratches his head,the boy turns his head slowly to him and says'Im da Breadator'

Blonde Blue-eyed Chic

Three guys, Samoan, Fijian, and Tongan walk into a club one night hoping to get lucky with a couple of ladies.

As they sat at the bar, the Samoan notices a blonde blue eyed chick and so he turns to his friends and says, 'Look at her, I bet you anything I can
get her to go home with me.'
'How?' asks the Tongan. 'Just watch....', and the Samoan guy walks up to her and says, 'Excuse me...but your parents must be thieves,' 'Why do you say that?' she asks. 'Because they stole the stars from above and put them in your eyes.'
The girl put her arm around him and they left.

Now the Fijian sees his nubian target sitting across from him. As the Tongan guy watches, the Fijian goes over to her and says, 'Did it hurt?'
'Did what hurt?' she asks.
'When you fell from heaven.'
She put her arm around him and they left.

Now the Tongan guy sees this one chick with creamy skin and thick black hair wearing the shortest dress.
He says to himself, 'It's my turn to be the mac,' so he walks up to her and says, 'Your dad must be a thief.....,' 'Why do you say that?' she asks, and he says 'because he stole the talos from my plantation and put them in your legs........'

Tracks

There was a contest being held in America to see who the best hunter is. The contestants were a white guy ,
a black guy and a Samoan guy. They went out to hunt while the media waited. After twelve hours the white guy
came back with two deer, the media rushed him and asked how he did it and he said, 'Well, I looked for the trails,
the tracks, I find the tracks, I follow the tracks and then boom, I shot the deer.' Then the black guy came back with
four deer, then the media rushed him and asked the same question and he said, ' I looked for the tracks,
I find the tracks, I follow the tracks and boom, I shot the deer.' Two days had past and the Samoan guy
finally came back with his clothes all torn up. Then the media rushed him and asked him what had
happened and he said, 'Firsh I look for da tracks, I find the tracks, I follow the tracks and BOOM the train hit me.'

Jealous Samoan

What do you say to a jealous samoan when they talk about your belongings?

Answer:

'E a? Ke maua pe pau lavas?'

Luau

Samoan man and a palagi man going to a luau. As the party wore on the palagi man turned to the Samoan man
and asked him 'How was the kalua pig for you?' The Samoan man replied 'Oh, ta pig was good, real good.'
The palagi man then asked 'How was your poi?' The Samoan man then answered 'Oh my poi, hes big already
almost graduate'

Ielavalava Curtain

How can you tell if you are a samoan or not?
You use your ielavalava as a kirtin..

Community Work

A florist goes for a haircut and he goes to pay the Barber and
the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I
am doing a Community Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank
you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes
to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing
a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber
goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door. A Samoan guy goes for a haircut and
he also goes to pay theBarber and the barber replies:'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you,I am doing a Community Service'. The Samoan guy of course is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, he finds a dozen Samoans waiting for a haircut.

Female Companionship
In the US, the successful Samoan males in athletics, business and other fields are known for their discriminating taste in female companionship. The following patterns can be discerned in choosing companions in terms of preferences for different ethnic types:

The Polynesian type

1. Slim
2. Educated
3. Beautiful

The Asian type

1. Graceful
2. Beautiful
3. Modest in behavior

The Black type

1. Sophisticated
2. Beautiful
3. Successful careerwoman

The White type

1. Overweight
2. Ugly
3. Prone to profanity

Of these the white type is by far the most common and preferred.